... All Things ...

8:28

Several weeks ago my eyes beheld this time.

Immediately my mind thought of the beloved scripture: And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 

I believed God gave me a special message- a message saying I could climb the mountain I was about to face.  And I thought I knew what mountain peaks loomed before me.

The cliffs I saw in the horizon I was sure that held my future was a brain, pituitary, and cervical spine MRI the National Institutes of Health, (NIH) had planned at my upcoming visit. This MRI needed to be done for many reasons, but the purpose I latched onto was brain tumors. Not only do I have MAGIS Syndrome, but my body battles autoimmune hemolytic anemia as well. The type of autoimmune I have is classic for producing rare brain tumors. They cause no physical symptoms so the only way to know if you have one is by a MRI.

The day of the dreaded test came and I was so nervous.  All Things is the promise I clung too. And I felt the peace of that promise. Being a fast-paced medical facility, a patient's day isn't done at the NIH even after a sedated MRI. My parents took me to the atrium to get caffeine and food in me so I would be alert for the two doctor's appointments still ahead. Even in my sleepiness, my mind turned to the results of the procedure. If the results weren't good, they would tell me right away wouldn't they, I wondered. 

"Hey you look good for someone who just had a sedated MRI." To my surprise my neurologist spotted me and walked over to our table.

"Thank you. Do you know how everything looked yet?" My voice sleepy and deep from slumber.

"You know, actually I just looked over the results and your brain is totally fine."

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much!" Relief swept over me. Maybe that verse wasn't a special message from God to me...maybe I just thought of it because it's such a great piece of scripture.

I could face the day burden free, on to the next appointment! I had no idea a new diagnosis would be waiting for me.

Over the last couple of years, the NIH has been watching my hormone blood counts. It hasn't worried me that much, because thousands of women battle hormone issues. But in that little room, my world crumbled as the doctor explained to me my chance at carrying a child of my own would be possible, but slim. 

He told me the unsettling news that while most women begin the change of life in their late forties to early fifties, I would most likely begin that season in my mid to late thirties. I'm not married yet nor are there relationship prospects in the horizon, so my mind went to my age. The time I thought I had began fading away like quicksand in antique timers.

I shed many tears that day. I poured my heart out to my friend, Danielle Hannah telling her I felt like I failed at what women were created to do before I had the chance to try. God gave her the exact words I needed to hear. "Think about Lazarus in the tomb. God was four days late. God has given you miracle after miracle. I know He will continue to fulfill your dreams! You have made doctor's scratch their heads and it will happen again!"

And then I remembered...All Things...

God had indeed given me a special message that day when my eyes saw the numbers 8:28 and I have seen it again numerous times since I received that diagnosis. The doctor's words aren't final, The Great Physician is the authority. The unknown and waiting is difficult, but I believe in my heart I will be a mother someday...whether that child comes from me or through my heart and desire to adopt. How do I know this? Because I serve a God who can turn uncertain futures, scary test results, and infertility into good...All Things...